Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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