I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
