I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
