The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wish you could order shots online.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
