2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm too high and old for this...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
