i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
