Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
