I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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