i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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