Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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