I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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