I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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