Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
