so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
