We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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