i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
