I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
