I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
