no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
