I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
