yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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