Don't make out with my wife yet
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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