Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
