Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
