Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
