I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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