The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
