Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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