Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
