:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
