We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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