i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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