i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
