In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
