It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
