I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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