I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
