She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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