Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
