she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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