Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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