I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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