I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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