if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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