Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
