I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
