We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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