Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
