she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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