Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
