I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They took my balls.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
