a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
