Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
