I'm pants shitting drunk right now
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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