I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
