Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work