I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
