My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.