Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.