I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
