i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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