I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
