you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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