I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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