Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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