she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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