I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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