You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
