i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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