You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
