i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
