Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize