why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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